Minor Dictionary
of Humorous Quotations

Weather | Women | Work | Worry |

Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it. Mark Twain

After dinner speaking is an occupation monopolized by man-women can't wait that long.

Any man who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx

A youthful figure is something you get when you ask a woman her age.

Even if man could understand women he still wouldn't believe it. A. Brown

I believe the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a woman to open or close her mouth and get away with it.

I don't understand women. They pay Ј4 for a slip and them worry if it shows. Liddiard

I seem to be growing old alone. My wife hasn't had a birthday for six years. Martin White

I expect that woman will be the last thing civilized by man.George Meredith

It's amazing how a woman who can spot a smudge of lipstick on a man's collar at 15 paces can't see a pair of garage door 20 feet wide. E. Dirkman

Most men never bring the boss home because she is there already.

No man can understand why a woman should prefer a good reputation to a good time.

Not to take women seriously is to ask for trouble. To take them seriously is to get it.

Nowadays a woman's first gray hair is usually her last one. G.E. Meyer

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of a despair in a woman. Oscar Wilde

The latest thing in clothes is usually the woman you are waiting for. John Rose

There are few women auctioneers because it is difficult for a woman to say loudly, "Will anyone make me an offer?"

The reason it takes a woman longer to dress is because she has to slow down on the curves. Morey Amsterdam

There was the woman who told her husband, "Be an angel and let me drive." He did and she is.Bob Goddard

When a woman says she can read you like a book, you are finished.

Women are like pianos - some of them are upright, the rest are grand.

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.

Women have keen sense of humour. The more you humour them, the better they like it.

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me; the idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart. Jerome K. Jerome

Some people are still willing to do an honest day's work, but they want a week's pay for it. Andrew Preston

No man is really old until his mother stops worrying about him. William Ryan

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

Worry is like a rocking chair, keeps you going but gets you nowhere.

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only saps today of its strength.