Minor Dictionary
of Humorous Quotations

Tastes | Taxes | Taxi | Television | Transport and Passengers | Travelling | Truth |

Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.

An MP said we should pay our taxes with a smile. Wish I'd known that last April - I sent cash. Norwood

Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: for several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money. Dave Barry

The problem of taxation is quite simple. You can sheer a sheep repeatedly but can skin it only once. H. Post

Taxi: vehicle that always seem to dissolve in the rain. D. Bennett

Before making your mind to retire, it is highly advisable to stay home for a week and watch day time television shows. Frieda Henry

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There is a knob called "Brightness", but it doesn't work. Gallagher

Television is a device that enables people who haven't anything to watch people who can't do anything. Fred Allens

They say that TV is still in its infancy, which probably explains why you have to get up so often to change it.

If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming ahead. Mike Harding THE ARMCHAIR ANARCHIST'S ALMANAC

One of the rules of busmanship, New York style, is never surrender your seat to another passenger. This may seem callous, but it is the best way, really. If one passenger were to give a seat to someone who fainted in the aisle, say, the others on the bus would become disoriented and imagine they were in Topeka, Kansas.

This country may be on the road to ruin but it will never get there with the present traffic congestion.

Once... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. W.C. Fieldss

Abandon the search for truth; settle for a good fantasy.

All great truths began as blasphemies. G.B. Shaw