Minor Dictionary
of Humorous Quotations

Happiness | Hate | Heredity | Heroism | History | Hobbies | Holidays | Holy Roman Empire | Home | Honeymoon | Hope | Human race | Hypocrisy |

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Happiness is watching a snow-plough cover a police car.J. Davidson

Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary to do it.Lord Mancroft

If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.

Nobody is happy all the time but that is no excuse for being miserable.

The secret of happiness is not to do what you like to do but to like to do what you have to do. King George

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?

Anyone who hates dogs and kids can't be all bad. W.C. Fields

Love is a word that is constantly heard,
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is
more precious than gold,
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school
can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
Ogden Nash

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. Eric Hoffer

Heredity-something you believe in if you have a bright child.

Heredity is what makes the mother and father of teenagers wonder a little about each other. G.L. Hull

Insanity is hereditary,- you get if from your children.

No man is a hero to his valet. Anne Bigot de Cornuel

After you have heard two eye-witness accounts of a car accident, you begin to wonder about history. Rona Greer

History is always repeating itself, but each time the price goes up.

One reason that history repeats itself is that so many people were not listening the first time. Margaret Hussey

Wife, pointing to her husband stretched out in the hammock, explains to her friend: "Fred's hobby is letting birds watch him." John Marshall

Holidays are great levelers: The person who takes one returns home just as broke as the person who stayed at home because he couldn't afford to go.

Holidays: a time when there is not much on TV or radio-or the girls on the beach.

Once again, we come to the holiday, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

People go on holiday to forget things, and when they open their cases they find out they have.

The rainy days for which a man saves usually come during his holiday.

This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire. François Marie Arouet Voltaire, CANDIDE

It is easy to recognize a homeowner. He's always coming out of a hardware shop.

A honeymoon is a holiday that a man takes before starting work for a new boss.

The honeymoon is over when he stops helping her with the dishes and does them himself.

The honeymoon is over when the dog fetches the slippers and the wife does the barking.

Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper. Francis Bacon

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. William James

A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." Stephen Crane

Give some people an inch and they think they are rulers.

If dogs could talk, perhaps we'd find it just as hard to get along with them as we do with people. Karel Chapek

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.

Many are called but few get up.

Monkeys are superior to men-when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey. Chazal

More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen

No good deed goes unpunished. Clare Booth Luce

No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.

Now is the time for all good men to come to. Walt Kelly

People are like small pins-they are absolutely useless unless they use their heads.

People today are chiefly concerned with the higher things in life-like prices. Rona Greer

The man who can smile when things go wrong has probably just thought of someone he can blame it on.E. Freeman

Moral indignation is often jealousy with a halo.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. Ogden Nash