Minor Dictionary
of Humorous Quotations

Earth | Economics and economists | Economy | Education | Egotism | Enemies | Experience | Evolution |

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.

$100 invested at 7% for 100 years will become $100,000 at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.Lazarus Long

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterwards.

An economist is a person who talks about something he doesn't understand, and makes you believe that you're ignorant.

Horngren's observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.

If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion. W. Baumol

Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?

A penny saved is ridiculous.

There is no economy in going to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins. Chinese proverb

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence university education. G.B. Shaw

Applicants for places at university are now being asked if they intend to concentrate on tests or protests. John Cooper

A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. John Ciardi

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Derek Bok, President of Harvard

How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? Eliot

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. English Professor, Ohio University

I was teacher's pet. She kept me in the cage at the back of the class. Ken Dodd

Kern's three rules for a successful college: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students and parking for the faculty.

Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it accumulates in the form of inert facts. Henry Adams

Not only is this incomprehensible but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of a tree. Professor W.

One teacher to another: "Not only is he the worst-behaved child in school, but he also has a perfect attendance record." National Observer

Rominger's first rule for students: The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it.

Rominger's second rule for students: The more specific the title of a course, the less you will be able to apply it later.

Some are born poor but parents of students get poor by degrees.

Egotism and mumps are very much alike, except that the swelling shows in different places.

I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

I have discontinued long speeches on account of my throat. Several people have threatened to cut it.

I'm really enjoying not talking to you... Let's not talk again... real soon.

Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.

As soon as a man acquires fairly good sense it is said that he is an old bogey. E.W. Howe

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. Oscar Wilde

Oliver's law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need.

Overheard: the best substitute for experience is being 17 years old. A.R. McMallem

I am a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man.